You’re not listening!

How often is this said to us or do we say it to others? It seems that statements which include the words: “You’re not listening” affect all of us in a negative way. Either we feel accused when the words are directed at us, or we feel frustrated and angry when we are directing those words at another.

Why is it important for us to be listened to, so that we experience hurt or anger when listening has not occurred? Whether it is the salesperson, the sports coach or the doctor, we often become frustrated when we feel that we have not been heard correctly – “they just didn’t listen to me.” We all know of many situations that have been impeded and frustrated through lack of listening. We also know that people are less likely to listen to others when they rushed or they are paying attention to something else.

Listening is the aspect of communication that receives the message of another and is the pathway to understanding. Listening carefully is important for understanding what is being said, whether a person is wanting fried eggs or poached eggs or a different meal altogether, or whether they are wanting someone to take action, give them advice or just hear about their predicament. Whatever the situation, we are satisfied, relieved or even happy when someone has heard us correctly and understood what we have said.

In times of great difficulty, we know the people in our lives to whom we can turn, the people who listen to us with patience and acceptance. These are the people who have us feel understood, and as a result enable us to better understand ourselves. From time to time, we may have sought the skills of a professional mentor or counsellor in order to be listened to at a deeper level.

It seems that in our busy world, people have less time to pay attention and to listen to others. How different might it be across many situations if people simply took the time to listen to others. There would be fewer mis-understandings.

We can aspire to a world where there is greater understanding, but fundamental to this is listening. Through patient listening, people are valued and validated, and communication is transformed into understanding. The overall gift is greater respect for one another.