Love grows beyond death

I met Sue and David* soon after their baby had died. We sat outside their room at the accommodation centre in town and we talked about their baby boy who had died and also their other living son. After a while, David asked if I would write down some of the things that I had said so that it could be read out at their baby boy’s funeral. He said what I had spoken about had touched their hearts. This also touched my heart.

I now recall some of those things that were spoken about on that day to be read at the baby’s funeral.

It is very sad to think that Sue and David’s baby didn’t make it. The baby who they believed was going to enrich their lives, wasn’t able to survive living in the world, and we are sad that we will not be able to see this little boy grow up with his brother in our community. And still, as sad as this is, it is not the end of the story. This little baby came into existence, even though just for a short time, and so there is a new created spirit. The love from that spirit lives on, no matter how long or short his life has been.

I have a strong sense that the spirit lives on beyond death, from connecting with so many people who have also sadly lost their babies. I have come to see how the spirit of a baby who didn’t make it in the world can bring love into the lives of mums and dads, brothers and sisters and other loved ones, in ways that cannot be experienced from other loved ones who are living. It is a spirit love, not a physical love. It is because of the spirit love, that many people who have lost their babies can go on to live and grow in ways that would not have been possible beforehand.  Some people change their work or become involved in groups so that they can assist others in new ways. The love of their baby then reaches out to many more people.

To the mums and dads who may not hold their babies in their arms, but who instead hold their spirits and their memories in their hearts with love:  it is the case that greater love can emerge as the gift.

Yes, it is sad to think of our babies who didn’t make it. In our sadness though, we make space for the love of our baby’s spirit to reach into our hearts, so that peace can grow within us and greater love can spread beyond us.

*Fictional names are used in this article

Written by Margaret for SIDS and Kids (N.T.) Mothers Day newsletter, 2013.